Sex Changes and The Light of Humanity

Quirky title. thought so. But anyways, don’t let it throw you.

What has come into being in him was life, and the life was the light of all people. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not overcome it.
- John 1

In Him was life…and that life was the light of humanity, that light shines on….

I’m not going to go into a super deep reflection or anything, I just, i think that as I go through my day, I’m trying to remind myself of the significance of all of this, and what God means for reality as a unified whole.

In Christ is life, that life is our light, I can’t give a commentary that decrypts the message, other than, He has brought life into being. My own life, redeemed, as I’ve been talking to my friends from years ago this week, I realize that in Him I have found life. That life has brought me out of suffering in the past, has brought me suffering in the present, has changed me, has given me light.

There is darkness. . .screw the darkness. The light for humanity that is found in the life manifested in Christ shines on. There is no reason to allow depression to choke out hope, no reason to let doubt steal my sanity, to let fear steal my humanity.

I’m thinking that while it’s easy to doubt, it’s not mine. It doesn’t belong to me.

It leaves you feeling pretty hollow
It might be nice to look at
Don’t forget you’re stuck with it tomorrow

- Dresden Dolls “Sex Changes”

It’s ok to struggle, St. Peter says that we all shall, and we do. Life is composed of interludes of suffering and rest. But to give up, as they say it leaves you feeling pretty hollow. And there’s everything that comes with that tomorrow.

There is love in this beating heart, there is hope in these tired hands, and they are weary, but determined, to look to Christ for strength.

Thanks For Tuning In,

Thanks to:

- The Dresden Dolls

Dryad

Rest, How does a lover rest? Drunk and stumbling in the arms of twilight

My heart is ablaze with myriad pictures painted on silence.

In the sunset, the world grows soft, little wonder that I am out here, drinking in the wild places

Dark hair, long and flowing, a memory, a voice, like wild honey, and a laugh like wine, a memory and fiery text in the walls of my heart

Doubt, Fear, unbelief, just another passing moment, a breath in silence, exhale the cares

drunk with a looming passion, it hangs on my lips like the scent of wine

Her skin, brushing up against mine, otherworldly in the twilight, the sunset in her eyes like emeralds in a fire.

A soft blush on her cheek, a sudden indrawn breath of excited surprise, the laugh like summer memories

Even with the lights and seeming like a forgotten dream, she glows.

A stone for my pillow, to dream of you tonight.

I smell apples on her breath, and hear rivers in her footsteps, a single word exchanged at sunset, that’s all it takes, she vanishes away, taking my heart with her to wild places.

Close Your Eyes with Holy Dread

Close your eyes with holy dread…

Prayer, prayer for me is a moment of holy dread. Not always, sometimes I forget to be afraid of God, other times I am welcomed before Him.

This is what it is to have religion, to come into an encounter with God, holy dread. I remember the first time i ever had a vision of God, I was filled with overwhelming fear at first, there was an objective otherness that enshrouded my mind and captivated all my senses, it was like the skin cells in my pores were flooded with something just outside them that demanded they stand at attention.

Without waiting, i am caught in an endless interlude of presence and absence. To know God is to divest in yourself that means outside yourself by which you come before God for worship. Life is not about fitting God into my schedule, into my story, it’s about worshiping objectively the ONE who deserves to be worshiped simply for the fact that He is. There is a dread weight that draws tight the strings upon my heart in the face of overwhelmingly objective holiness.

God is the true objective, and I with all my subjectivity can but wish myself to survive such an encounter. To be stricken with the weight of holiness, and fall before that Holiest of holies, this is my desire. To be filled with Holy Dread, not for lack of love, not for the sake of distance and removing the personal, but because I desire the power of his holiness to enshroud me about with the awareness of an objective God that lies at the center of my heart, as the fuel of my life.

I dunno, i guess i don’t really have a point in writing tonight. I just am thinking about this holy dread, it’s something i feel i used to know at sometime, some days I feel fallen, divided in myself. I apologize first to myself for failing to unite into a whole the various persons that make up my being. I am not an academic, I am a Christian. I am not just a brain, I am a person. I do not seek to choke out my spiritual life with academics, but to be a Christian amid and between academics, always in the power and presence of the Spirit.

I have no real point tonight, only to say this much:

Father, forgive me my sins, hold me where I am weak
Lord, give me strength to awaken my heart in the midst of my trials
Jesus, I am weak and have failed, I have forgotten to take the straight and narrow path
I have sinned, and cast stones, stolen and forgotten the widows
I have taken bread from the orphans and forsaken your name
I have looked in the mirror, and forgotten what I look like
You are gracious and compassionate
You are the Holy One,
The Great Redeemer is in the midst of his people rejoicing over them with singing
I am not subject to myself, but entrust myself to you
Father, heal this broken weary heart, whose words you can commit to memory,
whose longings you alone can truly know
Help me, fill me with that Holy Dread
Fill me with abounding love,
You have done a great and mighty thing in my life
Let me not forget you in my busy ways
May my heart be near you always
even closer than my very breath
For in you alone do I find my completion
You alone deserve my being,
For you have called me to yourself,
The Spirit says “Come”
The Bride says “Come”
Maranatha,
I await the parousia in my own life,
I eagerly await your kingdom
let it come on earth as in heaven and redeem all things
give us bread that we may share with others,
water so that they never thirst again
give us hope Lord, in One Faith, One Hope, One Lord,
One Body, One Baptism, One God
You alone are truth,
Your word is truth
Be unto me that inseparable vine
so that I may be the branches
You alone are Father,
My heart is overjoyed at your beauty,
Thank you for your reconciliation
I dedicate myself to you again,
Be my healer, as I seek to be your son

Untitled

Turn around slowly, and let the fire consume your eyes
an empty lullaby today, the death of poetry tomorrow

God is dead they say, standing in an ovate circle
They, contemplate the death of the oven bird over coffee

This is for you,
Watch the tragedy of our fallen state consume you as you feel the world,

Awake from your dogmatic slumber
and shake the age old dust that burdens you

Shake off the carefree detachment of scientific analysis
and feel the world for what it is

Feel that beating heart,
the cries of innocents and the voices of martyrs

Convulse yourself to breathing life
and open your ears to hear the cries,

Feel the tremors of our whole existence
shuddering under the burden of our indifference

Bring yourself to life,
convulse yourself to meaning

Unnerve yourself and take these words like prophecy,
Letting them burn in your bones like a Mandate

Then, reach out weary, tired hands,
To help another breathe again