Blight

It’s not over… it is never over. We carry our experiences with us, they continue to shape us and dwell with us, we do not make experiences they make us. So, I carry you with me in this bleeding heart, and I carry your words, your kindness, your love with my broken soul.

 

Holiness, intimate sorrow is the repetition of my holiness. I pray for liberation, I pray that God would just fucking come down and do something, but it’s not happening. So I’m going to be honest. I want things to go back to the way they once were at times, but that is not my decision.

 

My empty halls are carved with bitter rains and I pray for blindness, I ask to be overlooked, to be forgotten I don’t want these burdens. I don’t want these injuries, but I have to remain here. I have no choice, I have this choice, I am making this decision. It hurts more than anything I have ever known, but I am making this choice and I refuse to make any other.

 

You and I walk separate paths, and my heart breaks, as the road less traveled is taken by neither and yet both.

 

I can’t tell you what I’ve done, except that my heart weeps bitter tears.

 

They lie, I weep, I lie they slander. I am not empty. I am not strong. I am not here. I am not there.

 

I have nothing to stand on, I don’t know where I’m going, I have no direction towards this. I merely know that this is what must be accomplished.

 

I really don’t even know what I am truly trying to say. Forgive me for a lack of clarity. I didn’t mean to lack the words to say what I feel i need to.

 

I’m not quite sure what to do with this, all I know is that I must do something, my heart is breaking and my trials are simply multiplied in upon themselves.

 

Rebellion, tell me that this is so typical.

 

The pain in your eyes confirms my trespass, and yet I can do no other, so while I ask you to forgive me, I cannot ask that there be no sin in this act.

 

My life is turned against yours and never did I wish this.

 

I can ask you to say nothing.

 

That’s all.

 

Just another fruitless attempt to tell you that I love you.

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