Today I feel like calling it quits.

 

I can’t stand this anymore. I had a great morning with Bobby and Blake, but I can’t bring myself to do an ounce of work. I dread the way my semester is turning out, and I feel weary and overburdened. I am trying to be good and cast my cares on God, just let HIm be who He is. But somehow i feel cut off no matter what i do.

 

I want to be free of this agonizing internal dialogue that only makes me less secure.

 

I focus on the good. I await the coming salvation. I am trying to hold on. With thieves knocking at my windows and ballistas toppling my towers, there is no salvation in Jerusalem.

 

There is no reason to sing the songs of Zion, for there is no salvation here, i have strung up my harp, and cast aside my lute, broken my instruments and burned all my music. I am covered in sack cloth, ashes and the remains of what was once a joyful song.

 

I have left these in ruins, as the fires spread and consumed my dearest dreams, and here I am, isolated. alone. words cannot describe the ineffable pain that consumes every second of waking.

 

I look to You, will you rescue me today?

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