Our holy night is defiled in this way, that we are broken by our own inadequate selfishness. Our erotic sentiment originally caught in the ever kenotic self-mutual union of eros and agape has become an introverted and destructive selfishness, destroying everything in its path for the sake of the idea of gratification.
Thick thoughts, thicker hopes, and fears coming to the front as sacred cloud music plays over the air between my headphones and my ears. I’m just another thought away from another moment, and I hold to hope. Though Zion is broken, and pain is our reality, the reality of pain becomes a form of presence in itself because we recognize the creation of presence in the midst of absence. Guide me as I close my eyes and walk this dark path, breathing solely in the rest of the dark night, this endless night of purgation, let me say with St. Thomas Moore, let my purgatory be in this life.
Love me. I know You do. Holy Mother, be my guidance in the dark night of despair, lead me to the feet of your Son through your fervent and gracious intercession. I will find peace in this darkness, hope in this despair, presence in this absence, and through the endless interlude of presence and absence, guide me in this respiration.
Let these interludes become to me as breathing and both giving and reception be unto me unitive parts of the same movement, cleanse my mind of my inadequate conceptualizations, and let this theology be from this heart of worship unto you O sacred Holy One. I receive your love as the primary foundation of my ability to love you, and ask that your love would shape this child’s heart, and that as I bring the little candle of my heart into the darkness that is all around, let this little candle absorb all this darkness and offer it up to you.
Throw onto me the pain and guilt of the whole world, for in doing so, with your grace in bearing it, I shall offer up to thee most gracious and holy Suffering Christ, a world transformed by our communion in this suffering. Let the love which you have poured out in my heart bear these burdens as a holy calling, set me apart for this. I ask your strength that I may not waver, and that I may trust in you with patience, hope and love.
This kenotic movement with which you have loved the Father and the world, let me be conformed to u-topic image that takes form in the immediate moment constantly rising to greet me, and let this kenotic movement shape me. Let this self-emptying lead me into the koinonia that is the foundation of community with the entire world in your perfect love and unity in which you restore order and agape to all reality in your gracious love. I believe in Absolute Love, even if all else fails.
I hold to thee, and holding fast, I will breathe deeply both presence and absence as the ebb and flow of faith and hope, which for the kenotic sake of each other travel perichoretically in consciousness, submitting to each other and to Love mutually. Thus ever expressing themselves anew in the immediate moment.
Let faith and hope attain to perichoresis united by that Love which empowers them to become the trinitarian union of eschatological/global consciousness in the present through to the future.
just some thoughts.