This is the sort of clusterfuck of a question that can easily throw me for a loop, make me question reality and land me in an abyss of powerlessness, and stifling reflection. But not today.
I often wrestle with questions like this because they come naturally to me. These questions just spring up on me and demand my immediate attention, and I cannot leave them unattended. I sometimes think of it as a journey from one wrestling match to another.
Today, I sat there, and I thought only a moment before a whirlwind of answers enveloped me and asked me to become the wind. To listen to the very essence of this multitude of answers, to take it in all at once.
I’ve been on quite a few different journeys recently, some very enjoyable, others dark and foreboding, alienating harsh, or depressing. I’ve gained experiences, and lost loved ones, and it’s been a very good year, despite the difficulties throughout.
“What sort of man shall I be?”
I desire to be a loving, kind and generous man. I wish myself to be a thoughtful man, someone who gives more than he takes, someone who blesses as often as he can.
I wish to be a man whose scars are worn, not with pride, but with quiet solidarity. I wish to be most truly myself, the man I know I can be.
When the clarity of those desires once again reach into the depths of my soul, I know that I am nearer to the Truth. The levity and joy of this season has found my heart open, and I am glad to be a host of such difficult questions, especially in a season that can prove so difficult for so many. May you find some measure of peace, and the courage to answer your own big questions.